In Defense of Pam Halpert

In yet another of my infinite number of re-watches, I've reaffirmed what I initially thought. The treatment of Pam in season nine is simply wrong.

Let’s start with a scenario.

You are married. You have two kids. You are madly in love with your spouse. You both work together, commute together, and genuinely enjoy each other’s company. You’ve had what can be classified as a fairy tale courtship and marriage. You are both thoughtful, try to give each other meaningful gifts, and try to be as selfless as possible. You have this way of life for a good five years or so.

It sounds perfect, right? It’s as close to perfect as you will find.

Then, you find out that your spouse drained your joint savings account in order to start a business in another city. To make matters worse, your spouse did this life changing action without saying a single word to you.

There would be some bitterness there, no? Perhaps some mistrust. There would definitely have to be some anger. You may even think about leaving, maybe a divorce. How can someone do something so big that impacts not only the spouse, but the future of two children?

And, again, it needs to be reiterated; your partner did that behind your back and without your consent. Your partner didn’t consult or even give the courtesy of even saying he was doing it.

That is exactly what Jim did to Pam at the onset of season nine of The Office.

Yet, for some reason it has been Pam who is on the receiving end of the fans’ vitriol. It is Pam who is portrayed by the writers as weak, unsupportive, and unable to cope on her own.

One has to wonder why Pam receives almost all of negative feedback, while Jim is lauded for his spontaneity, for his romantic gestures, and his desire for a better life. That’s easy to do as Jim started the series as a hopeless romantic and continued to be a doting husband and father. Jim is the wear his heart on his sleeve guy who makes a very unconfident Pam trust and believe in him.

Until season nine, that is.

The season opens with the documentary crew basically revealing that they are still there just to see how Jim and Pam turn out. Jim’s discomfort grows when Pam says that nothing really has changed. The audience can see that Jim wants more out of his life. Mr. Big Gesture needs something big.

To be clear, that is completely normal when it comes to work. It is easy to fall in the tedium of the everyday work life and one day realize that you want more of a challenge, a different challenge, and one that could fulfill you in a way that the job that you have mastered no longer can. Jim is not wrong for wanting to start a business of his own and follow his dream.

He is wrong—in a monumental way—in his execution.

Simply, he should’ve talked to Pam and told her, instead of investing all that they had in a business that would require him to spend a significant amount of time away from his very young family.

One of the criticisms of Pam in season nine is that she was not supportive of Jim’s dream like Jim was when Pam went to New York to art school.

It’s flawed logic for a number of reasons. First, and this can’t be emphasized enough, Pam never had the opportunity to even think about the possibility of Jim going to Philadelphia on a regular basis, let alone a possible move. Pam was never given the chance to react, to work through it with Jim, and come to a decision together.

The art school storyline was much different in that Pam came to Jim immediately with the opportunity. She didn’t enroll before discussing it with Jim, talking it through, and coming up with a plan. She gave Jim something that Jim completely forgot about just a few years later; she gave him the courtesy and respect to tell him and make him a part of the whole journey. Sure, Jim was an immediate yes for this to happen, but that yes came from Pam being up front and honest.

Pam was never given that opportunity.

Jim is clearly in the wrong.

The art school comparison is also seriously flawed because of the stage of their relationship. They weren’t engaged until the middle of the art school story arch and, most importantly, Pam going to New York did not leave Jim with extra responsibility along with a full-time job. There weren’t toddlers left behind for Jim to take care of or worry about. Jim simply had some extra time on his hands.

Pam had two young kids, a full-time job, and still had personal goals of her own artwork. The situations are completely different.

This is also where the writers and directors are at fault for this perception of Pam. The cut scenes of Pam struggling to throw out garbage or looking disheveled at work were completely ridiculous and, quite frankly, demeaning to women. Pam is the Office Administrator for an office of dramatic, needy people; she manages to keep them happy. She is a mother of two kids. I think she can handle taking out the garbage on her own or reacting better to a lice outbreak. Shame on the writers and directors for portraying Pam as weak and so dependent on Jim. The storyline could’ve remained without this slant on Pam.

This did, however, feed the perception that Pam was’t supportive of her husband. Or, it made her feel insecure about her relationship.

Again, she was lied to and then essentially gaslighted into thinking that she wasn’t reacting well. Anyone would feel insecure if their spouse took their money and started some huge job in another city without talking about it. Everyone would be insecure. Pam is not wrong for feeling that way and having a hard time trusting that Jim is being one hundred percent honest.

That insecurity is heightened by how Jim acts during most of the season. He tries to “big gesture” Pam into forgiving him whether it is trying to get her a few days off before turning that into getting pie on Work Bus or lining up an interview for her as a receptionist in Philadelphia. Jim gets to advance, but Pam has to slide back into reception? Jim is treating her poorly.

That’s not even to mention how Jim belittles Pam for her video snafu of CeeCee’s dance recital. Jim chose to miss it, yet Pam, who worked, got CeeCee ready and there on time, is being spoken down to because she failed to record it? Again, Jim is in the wrong.

Even in the finale when the audience asks Pam what “big gesture” she’s planning to “pay back” Jim is a slight towards Pam. Does Jim deserve an award for finally realizing that he made a mistake and would lose the best thing(s) that ever happened to him? No, but the writers chose to portray that through that particular scene. At least they have Jim confess that he didn’t handle it right.

Yet, Pam pulls the biggest gesture of them all by selling their house and going all in on moving to Texas as the business is growing. She supports Jim because now she had the time to process, to feel, and to see that Jim realized he was wrong. That insecurity went away not because Jim came back to Dunder Mifflin full-time. It went away because they were back to making decisions together.

It’s all Jim had to do the first time. If he had spoken to Pam, laid it all out for her, it’s difficult to see any other scenario than Pam saying yes. But, we’ll never know because Pam never had the chance to show that. Jim’s lack of honesty cost her that chance.

Jim Halpert is not a bad guy. He is one of the all-time television greats as a hopeless romantic, office prankster, and rational thinker. His thoughtfulness towards Pam during seasons one through eight is one of the best examples of a romantic leading male character. He, by all accounts, is a great father; he did receive a Dundie for that. He isn’t evil. He simply made the wrong choice that resulted in hurting his wife and temporarily shattering her faith. He exacerbated the situation by his self-defensive reactions that often were taken out on Pam.

Pam Halpert is unfairly portrayed and treated. Anyone in that situation would’ve reacted the same way. She isn’t selfish; she is simply wanting to be an equal partner in major decisions that impact her family. And, she doesn’t want to be lied to. She is blamed by fans simply because she is a woman. It is doubtful that if the roles were reversed that Jim would face the same fan criticism that Pam has.

If that happened to any one of us, we would’ve reacted like Pam. Actually, we might have been even less forgiving.